Strength, courage, and faith.

There is a beautiful young woman in our church.  Her name is Charolete.

She is a shining example of faith, strength, and beauty.

She always has a smile.

She is at church as often as she can be, even though there are days when she probably doesn't feel like sitting on a pew for an hour.

Charolete has cancer.  She has been battling this disease since she was 13.  She is now in her mid 20's. (I think?)  She is taking high doses of chemotherapy to shrink the tumors in her body.

Her hair is gone, but it only accentuates her beautiful face.  Today she was in the "High Profile" section of the state newspaper.  Our pastor had a copy and recognized her, and I watched her pale skin turn bright pink.  It was precious.

Swiped this from a friend's Facebook page…because I didn't get a paper today.

Even in tough times, she is doing so much to help others.  In a time when so many dealing with cancer or other serious illness struggle to disguise side effects of the chemo under wigs and scarves,  Charolete doesn't hide it.  It's inspiring.  I would only hope that I would have that confidence and courage.  She gives people hope, though she may not realize it.

March 8th, 2014 a ball (The Hope Ball) was held in Little Rock.  Proceeds benefitted the 20th Century Club, which is a residential type hotel that provides free nights for patients taking cancer treatments.  Charolete starred in a promotional video.  (link below)

HOPE BALL 2014

Cancer is a terrible disease.  It would be difficult to find someone who hasn't been touched in some way.  Not only does it affect the patient, but friends and family as well.

I wish I could eradicate cancer from the world, but all I can do is pray.  Pray for Charolete, and for Racheal (another friend in our church just beginning her treatments).  Pray for researchers, and doctors, and patients.  Pray for hope….but at long as we have people like Charolete, it isn't difficult to hold on to hope.

Let the change begin in me...

“If indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind.”  Ephesians 4:21-23

Peace roses I planted in my yard to remind me of the peace that only comes from a personal relationship and fellowship with Christ Jesus.

 This morning, our Sunday school lesson was from Paul’s letters to the church at Ephesus, and how he admonished them to pray for a change in themselves; focus on changing their individual hearts and minds, and God would take care of the rest.

So often (preaching to myself here, too) we have the tendency to pray for God to “fix” someone else…as if we don’t need to be fixed.  Often we fall into the trap that if God would just change the heart or the attitude of the other person, things would be just right.  It reminds me of the old Irish curse:

  “May those who love us, love us, and those who don’t love us, may God turn their ankles so we will know them by their limping.”  

Why do we have the mentality that the problems in our lives would magically disappear if God would just change the hearts of those with whom we disagree?

Are you guilty, too?  I shamefully admit that I had the same problem.

Just over a year ago I felt like my world was crumbling at my feet.  Things needed to change.  I prayed for change in another person because I honestly thought that would fix the problem…until one night when God revealed that I was the problem.  One evening, in the desperate cry to God to change the heart of another person, His voice quietly asked, “What about you?”  

Ouch.  Sometimes the truth hurts, but it was truth I needed to hear.

From that point my prayers changed.  Rather than asking God to fix someone else, I began earnestly praying for Him to change my life so that it would be pleasing to Him. (It’s a good thing our Lord is still in the business of miracles!)  In His faithfulness, God began to change my attitude and my heart.  I was able to release much of the anger and bitterness that had been building up like bile in my soul, stealing my joy and delight in the Lord and in life.  As God began to make changes in me, He also began to change my circumstances.   The pieces began falling up.  (I was reminded of high school when we watched a 9mm film of an earthquake, then watched it backward as it rewound onto the reel, buildings lying in shattered ruins on the ground began falling up, back into place….wow, I just really dated myself with that last comment, my kids think a VCR is ancient technology.)

When we are miserable in our current circumstances, the real change, the change from sorrow to joy, cannot come from another.  We must allow God to change US before He can change our circumstances. 

We have to let go of our “righteous indignation” (which I learned this morning is just another word for sin), admit that we are probably a major part of the problem, and allow God to work in ways we can never imagine.

King David had to learn the same lesson:

Have mercy upon me, O God, 
According to Your loving kindness; 
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, 
Blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, 
And cleanse me from my sin.  For I acknowledge my transgressions, 
And my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, 
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.  Psalm 51:1-4

When we finally reach the place when we can get over ourselves, God will come in and fill the void.

Yes, there are days when I find myself wishing that He would change the attitude of another, but He gently reminds me that I am not blameless and I never need to forget how much He has done in my life. He reminds me that I need to mind my own business and trust His judgement.  He knows best.

In my classroom I have a quote, which reads: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  Allow Him to be the change…after all, this world desperately needs more Jesus!

Jumbled thoughts

Never have I been more determined to write something worth reading, something inspired, something….profound.(?)  I have draft after draft of what began as a good idea (at least in my head), but fell flat when it landed on paper.  I hate that!

Instead of locking myself in a room with my thoughts, I just placated myself with mindless television…and when I say mindless, I mean MINDLESS!  Seriously, I'm losing faith quickly in the Discovery Channel!  "Clash of the Ozarks"?  Really?  If you haven't seen this show (which aired for the first time last night) don't watch it.  I think my IQ dropped during the course of the show.  Why did I watch it?  There's a very good reason, it was filmed 40 miles from me in Hardy, AR.  Chris (the hubby) grew up very near there (and his parents still live about 10 miles away from there), but never heard of the big feud between the two families.  I have yet to find anyone who has.  What saddens me most is the fact that Discovery had to search long and hard to find the most toothless people available!  I'm a native Arkansas, I don't drink moonshine, I have a penchant for shoes, and I still have all my teeth!  How about a show that really digs into the seedy side of Hardy, AR….you know, the place filled with antique shops and retirees! (although there is a tattoo parlor and a store named "Goths R Us"…though I haven't browsed their merchandise.)

I guess it's all about the image you project.  People really do believe what they see.  Your words can say one thing, but you actions and image speak volumes.  Today has been a very classic example of just that.  Today someone told me, "I'm a good person, I really care about people" then turned right around and told the sweet little girlfriend she's stupid (repeatedly) and to just shut up.  Good person? I hope that isn't the true definition of a good person because I would really hate to see the bad one!
As you can imagine, a long tirade from me about showing respect ensued.  I don't think it sank in because the response directed toward me was disrespectful (from a high school kid), too.  This may have been the point when I may or may not have said he should be thankful he wasn't dating my daughter.  Of course, my daughter would have knocked him out in floor long before I had to step in. Less than an hour later another student was speaking to his mother on his cell phone (in class, no less, no respect for classroom rules), using language directed toward her that infuriated me even more.  I don't care how smart you think you are, or just how mature you think you are, you have no right to call your mother a name! (especially one that could mean the animal Jesus rode into Jerusalem on was not very smart.)  Given the course of the days events I may or may not have told him it was a good thing I was not his mamma.  (just think of Bill Cosby's statement "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!")  And it was only a few minutes later when I told yet another student to do something and his reply was, "No.  You didn't say please."  I gave him "the look" and melted him on the spot.

I guess today was just one of those days when I'd just had it.  All those thoughts that you don't have time to worry about crowded in.  I'm tired.  I don't sleep well, but nights like this it's much worse. Why can't I just turn off the brain for a little while.  I don't want to think.  I don't want to worry.  I don't want to be disappointed.  I just want peace….and quiet….and sleep.

Pray for our kids

I have first period study hall.  I hear many conversations of events and happenings over the weekend and I am more convinced than ever that we need to pray for our youth.  They need positive role models.  They need to know that alcohol, drugs, promiscuity, and foul language do not lead to a happy life...both on earth and for eternity.  

Please pray for the kids...the future of our country.

Don't take His beauty for granted.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.  Psalm 19:1

So many times I'm in such a rush in the mornings that I forget to take time to give thanks to God, but there are some mornings when He does something so amazing that you just have to stop and soak it all in, like the sunrise on Thursday morning.  Thank You, Lord.

Time to Fight

Salem First Baptist Church, Sunday, January 12, 2014:

Elbow to elbow, crowded pews, 479 people gathered for a single purpose, to worship the I AM, Jesus, the ONE TRUE GOD.  The sermon was powerful; God-breathed, "It's time to stand and it's time to fight! … Men, God created you with the heart of a warrior!" Words spoken with conviction and a passion that only comes through a personal relationship with God.  It was a challenge, a directive, to the men present to stand up a be MEN.  To fight for family and faith.  To fight to return this country back into 'one nation UNDER GOD…'.  To fight for the moral and family values that now seem to be looked upon with ridicule and scorn…deemed as antiquated and outdated.  It was a challenge to the men present to once again be the spiritual head of the household.  It was a directive straight from the holy book, the Bible.

Though it was directed toward the men, it ignited a flame within the women as well.  Everyone listened, even the 9 year-old on the pew next to me who usually spends his Sunday mornings drawing wolves, longhorns, and deer on the back of the Sunday bulletin.  He asked questions on the way home.  The 17 year-old listened.  On the verge on manhood, he listened.  He was moved.  He is ready to fight.

We are becoming a nation desensitized to the collapse of good moral values and beliefs.  The sitcoms make the husbands out to be bumbling idiots who can't do anything right.  What happened to "Father Knows Best"?  I'm sure Ward Cleaver, John Walton, and Andy Taylor would be aghast at today's prime time programming.  Yet we accept it as something we cannot change, turn a blind eye, and continue in our daily lives.  We have traded "The Walton's" for "Modern Family", all in the name of progress.

I was guilty of it, too.  Yesterday a flame was ignited.  Small and flickering, but a single spark can start an all-consuming fire.  Yes, you will encounter opposition.  Yes, you will be ridiculed by some, but that is what Jesus dealt with on a daily basis.

"For where two or more are gathered together in My name, there I will be also."  Matthew 18:20

"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then I will hear them from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:14

It happened, the altar was full, men were kneeling in the aisles, humbled, seeking God, asking Him to heal our land.  Return us to that ONE NATION UNDER GOD.

To watch the sermon delivered by Brother John Hodges from Salem First Baptist Church in Salem, AR, click the following link.  You will be blessed.  Time To Fight. SFBC, January 12, 2014

Epiphany!

Occasionally I have one of those epiphanies that just make me sit back and think, "Wow!"  Usually they occur while I'm in the midst of cleaning something and don't have access to pen and paper…which is what happened today…but this was just too good to let pass.

Picture this, (sounds like Sophia from Golden Girls) I'm scrubbing the laundry room sink, since we no longer are giving the calf a bottle (he isn't happy about that, either) I decided it was time to get rid of the dried milk replacer and stinky calf bottle that has lived there for the last several months.

As I reached for my mondo-sized can of Comet (you need the giant Sam's Club economy size around here) I noticed on the side 48% Mas.  Being the exceptional Spanish student I was, I rotated the can to see if there was a translation on the other side.  Yep, there is was 48% More.  Mas=More.  (I should know that from the "No mas pantalones" commercials).

It was then the epiphany happened.  Mas means More.  We are now in the Christmas season, and I thought of the word Christmas…ChristMAS.  More Christ.  The real meaning of Christmas.

I don't know about you, but I was ChristMAS every single day.  More Christ on a daily basis.

Every time I see the word Mas, I want to think of having more Christ in my life.  What about you?


Merry ChristMAS!.

Praying for the harvest….

He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest field."  Luke 10:2

Never has this passage been more true than in today's society.  our country, the one founded upon a firm foundation rooted in Christ and christened "One nation under God", is swiftly moving away from God and godly teachings and our government is driving the truck!   As Christians, it is our responsibility to make changes; to give God strength and power; to change the course of our nation.  No, I don't mean by coup, or sit-in, or loud demonstration on the steps of the US Capitol building, actually, it's much more simple than that.  Pray. 

As we enter December I plan to focus much of my time on the true meaning of Christmas and not just the commercial gifts and goodies angle.  As the scripture states in Luke 10:2, the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  The lost are plentiful, they need to hear the Word, but the workers are few…. sadly, it is true. 

This pamphlet was handed to me during Sunday school this morning. 

It's a challenge to pause what you are doing at 10:02 am, pm (or both) and say a prayer for the North American missionaries and church planters.  Can you imagine the power of prayer if thousands were praying at precisely the same time?  Prayer changes things.  I've set a reminder at 10:02 pm (because I have a high school speech class in the am) to pray.  Lift the missionaries, pray for God to go before them and prepare the way.

I would also ask that you say a prayer for our quartet, 4His Praise.  We are excited, we are ready, we are willing, but we want to certain that God goes before us and we do His will.  His timing is perfect and we will trust him.  Please pray that all we do be done for His service.

One more little thing, practice random acts of kindness in December, you never know what joy it will bring to someone…and to you.  This afternoon the girls & I (4His Praise) went to the home of one of our deacons who has battled cancer for several years.  This was done very spontaneously, and it lifted his spirits and ours.  He is now bedridden and he will most likely be celebrating Christmas in heaven this year.  He was only strong enough to listen to 3 songs, but he summoned enough strength to tell us it meant so much to him.  We prayed with him before we left, and he told us not to worry about him because he was going to be okay.  His faith remains steadfast, though his body is weak.  Pray for brother Neal and his family.

…and pause at 10:02 to pray for revival in our country.

I will enter His courts with praise….

Recently I have been questioning (prayerfully) where the Lord is leading me.  Sunday night, the answer became more clear.  Music.  I have always loved music, even though I only play one instrument and that one not very well.  I do not have the gift of writing beautiful lyrics that touch hearts.  I don't even have that great a voice, but when the girls & I (4 HIS Praise) sing together, I truly feel as if I'm where I'm supposed to be.  I feel like I am walking in His will, and it brings me great joy.

Sunday night we had the opportunity to sing at First Baptist in Flippin.  When I invited us (yes, you read that right) to sing for them we had 2 or 3 songs planned, but had a few more ready just in case.  It was a good decision because we were given the entire service.  We sang for almost an hour, and it was a wonderful blessing to me.  

Kelly, Kathy, Sharmin, & Pam: 4 HIS Praise
photo courtesy of Judy Martin…thanks, Judy, we don't have many photos!

I've heard so many people talk about groups that have problems because egos get in the way, even in Christian and gospel groups.  Sadly, the problem is usually because someone forgot the true reason for the music.  That is the joy of singing with these ladies (Kelly, Kathy, & Pam), we do it for one reason, not to bring glory to ourselves (though encouragement does keep us going at times), our hope is that the Lord be glorified in all that we do.  I am human, I will make mistakes, but I am doing my best to lose the bad habits that might diminish my testimony.   We are ready to step out on faith.  We want to share His message through music.  We are ready to do more.  Lead us Lord, we will follow…. I'm so excited to see what 2014 brings! 

Lead me Lord...

      "Lead me Lord; I will follow.  Lead me Lord; I will go.  

You have called me; I will answer.  Lead me Lord; I will go."

To see Elizabeth Goodine sing with the Brooklyn Tabernacle, click here

photo by 1MS.net free wallpapers

Our church was blessed with the opportunity to have Wayne and Elizabeth Goodine come conduct a choir clinic (alliteration?) a couple of weeks ago.  They shared many songs they had written, but this one in particular really struck a chord within me.  "Lead me Lord; I will follow..Lead me Lord, I will go…You have called me, I will answer…Lead me Lord, I will go."  

You have called me….I have heard so many people talk about how instinctively they know what God had in mind for them.  I'm listening, but I don't have a clear image of what God wants me to do with my life.  I do not feel the persistent tugging of foreign missions, especially when I feel we have so many who desperately need salvation right here in the US.

I know the things that bring me great joy…could one of these things be my calling?  I love music and I love to sing, but I don't have the gift of writing music, and I really don't think I have the voice to make people really want to listen, even though I enjoy singing with our quartet 4His Praise.  I suppose I have a gift of speaking, at least I don't have a great fear of speaking in public, but many times the words just sound dull and stupid in my own ears.  Then there's Art.  I can draw, I can paint, I'm pretty good with Graphic Design, but how can I use that for His glory?  

Maybe I'm just having the same problem as Moses and Jonah as they desperately tried to change God's mind about their calling in life (though, Lord, I'd much prefer you get my attention with a burning bush rather than the innards of a great fish should it come to that point.)

Whatever it may be, I'm listening, and I am ready to follow where He leads….wherever that may be.

Learning to trust...

October 12th is our church's annual Women's Conference.  As in years past we will have great music, food, fellowship, and inspiring speaker, but this year I will also issue a challenge to women present to record their journey to the LORD by leaving a Faith Legacy.  This is something that has been on my heart for a very long time and I hope that it will continue to grow.  I am at a point where I feel like I need to do more.  I don't feel like I'm being called into a foreign mission field, but I do have such a burden for women and women's ministry.  I pray for the Lord's guidance and that all I do will be in His will and will bring Him honor and glory.  

I will do my best to post the info I'm working on for the conference on here, but it won't be until after October 12th, but here's a peek at the "logo" I'm planning on using.  To combine my love of writing, design, and photography has always been a dream.  I hope God can use me and the gifts He has given me, and that His message will spread like wildfire through a world that desperately needs the LORD!

9 Years . . .

My baby had his 9th birthday yesterday (6-23).  Time has flown by so quickly.  I got a little teary-eyed looking through some old pictures and seeing those big blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and chunky little legs.  Now he's a blue-eyed, lanky, baseball playing boy!

3 days new.  8 lbs, 5 oz, 20 inches.  

 Not only is it Logan who has grown up so much, but look at this picture with Austin!  He was 8 (okay probably just a week or 2 away from being 9).  His birthday is July 30, that should give me plenty of time to find some good pictures of him!

Austin-age 9, Logan -around 2-3 weeks.  L rolled over at 4 weeks.

 He was a happy baby, and had (has) a smile that would light up the room.

You can tell by all the drool some little teeth were just coming in.

 Always the "outdoor-type" kid.  He loves to be outside, especially now since we got the pool set up!

Age 2

 He loves baseball, and is one of the biggest St. Louis Cardinals fans I know.  This was his 2nd year of playing catcher, and he loves it.  On the way home one afternoon he looked at me and said, "I think you should just call me Yadi (Yadier Molina, Cardinals' catcher).  He cracks me up!  Just to set the record straight, though, Matt Holliday is his favorite player.  He has a t-shirt and a jersey with Holliday on them.  We are hoping to take the boys to a game in St. Louis before school starts. (I'm as excited as they are, I love the Cards!)

So serious

So not serious.  Check out the cake, found that in Pinterest.  the kids were running around saying, "We ate a base!"

Officially a 9 year old!

Saturday we had his birthday party.  He had a few friends over and Chris's family joined us.  We had a good time, and the kid had fun.  Our intent was to have a "kid" party then another "family" party, but after the last game of the tournament L was invited to play a practice game for the Tri-County Allstars baseball team on Sunday (which was his actual birthday) so we combined the parties.  After the games were over on Sunday the coach told us he wanted Logan to play on the team and would need a copy of L's birth certificate and health insurance card.  Quite a birthday present!  The next 3 weekends will be filled with Babe Ruth League baseball tournaments.  It will be busy, but lots of fun.  I did learn a lesson from the games Sunday (doubleheader), PACK SUNSCREEN!  My legs were a little pink, but they're tan today, I'm afraid I won't be so lucky the next time.

Sometimes He stops us in our tracks...

I was driving down the road listening to The Message radio station on XM Radio and a new song by Chris August came on.  By the time he got to the chorus I was in tears.   Music is one of the most effective (to me) ministries, and this song just left me speechless.....kind of like the first time I heard "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns.  I am amazed by the power of God.  Please take the time to listen to the song by clicking the link below.

Restore by Chris August

Thankful

I'm guilty of it.  I allow life to distract me and forget to see the beauty around me everyday.  I forget to be thankful.  Sometimes the little things we overlook can bring so much happiness.  Sometimes we need to see the world through fresh eyes.

The view from a friend's cabin.  We live in a beautiful place. 

Father and son working together.  The little red heifer in the squeeze chute is a show cow, the little donkey on the left is her trainer.  Just like most trainers, Red does NOT like him.  She will eventually learn to lead...with his help, but the process is not fun...for her.

Sometimes you just need to roll around in dirt to scratch that pesky itch.

The joys of a bicycle on a summer afternoon.

Riding down a country road (from the barn to the house).

Round bales make a fun jungle gym.

Shooter (the puppy) wanted to get in on the hay bale action, too.  It took him a few tries, but he finally made it to the top.

Victory!  He made it to his boy.

Hi, mamma, are you proud of me?

Hide & seek in the hay.

..and one more trip to the top.

Just look around you.  No matter if you're in the country, like us, or the big city, there are blessings all around.  Make the choice to be happy and see the beauty in details of everyday life.

...and we are told we cannot pray in school.

(All photos used in this post were taken from Goole images and various news media.)

Massive devastation.  Scenes flash across the screen that bring tears to our eyes.  Oklahoma is dealing with so much heartache and pain, my own trials seem so small in comparison.  How do you comfort parents whose lives have been marred by grief?   How quickly so many lives changed in Moore, Oklahoma.  In a few short minutes, everything was lost.

 The very place so many children feel safe is now gone. How will they ever feel safe in school again?  Will they panic at the sight of a dark cloud?

How do you pick up the pieces when the pieces are barely recognizable?  

So many people are asking the question, where was God when all this happened?  

He was there.  He was with 6th grade teacher Rhonda Crosswhite in that school bathroom when she prayed, "God, take care of my kids."  He was there in a daycare center with a teacher who told her 3 year-olds, "We're going to hide in here, and we're going to hear a train, but when the train is gone we will get out and find your parents."  He was with the elderly lady hiding in her bathroom with her dog who disappeared from her arms when the storm hit, but was miraculously found alive under the rubble as she was interviewed by a television reporter.  Even though her house was a pile of rubble, she said, "I thought God had answered only 1 prayer, to let me live, but He answered them both.  I have my baby back."  

The news channels are flooded with stories of heroic teachers who shielded their students from debris with their own bodies.  Teachers who placed themselves in more danger to save the lives of children.  Why?  Because when they walk through those school doors they're our kids.  We (teachers) may not have given birth to each and every one, but they're ours, and we will do what we have to do to protect them.  We pray for them.  We love them.  We care what happens to them outside the hours from 7:53 to 3:08.  They're our kids, too.   Protecting those children was second nature to those teachers.  We would risk our own lives to save our kids.  I hope all parents realize this.  I hope they will understand and choose to work with the teachers rather than against us.  I hope they understand we love those kids, too.

Words aren't sufficient to express my sorrow for the families and victims of the Moore, OK tornado.  I cry for those lost, I cry for those who survive, and I pray for them all.    

Tonight I'm angry!

Don't worry, my family is off the hook tonight, but I am angry with some people I really don't know very well. I want to scream and yell at them.  I want them to open their eyes and see what I see.  Why can't they see past their own selfish noses?  Why am I so angry?  Because they are watching a precious girl die slowly before their eyes of a terrible disease and refuse to do anything about it!  She is fading away and they choose to ignore it hoping it will fix itself.  She is fighting a disease!  The disease is Anorexia.  Yes, it IS a disease!  What really infuriates me is they are saying, "Just ignore her, she's just doing it for attention!"  Wake up, people!  If she wanted to direct attention to the fact that she is nothing but skin and bones then why would she be wearing 2 pairs of pants?!?  Yes, I patted her leg, and under the baggy windsuit pants she was wearing another pair, all to make her look heavier than she is.... around 100 lbs on a  5'8" frame!

This girl needs our prayers, and so does her family who are living so comfortably in denial that they should change their names to Cleopatra!  I don't know how they can look at her and think she's okay.  She desperately needs help.  Their solution, just pray harder, you just don't have enough faith.  I'm sorry, but when your brain is starving, and your body is starving, faith is difficult to muster.  I believe in faith.  I believe God can heal any problem, but I also believe He places people in our paths to help us along the way.  Mentors.  Cheerleaders.  Help.  What if the disease were cancer?  Would you tell a cancer patient, "you just need to pray harder for a cure" or would you encourage them to seek treatment?  Yeah, that's what I thought.  Yes, it is a disease.  However, so many people are denied treatment or talked out of treatment because loved ones pass it off as "just wanting attention".  SERIOUSLY?

God saved a dear friend from anorexia, but she had help, therapy.  At the time she didn't know why.  I told her there was a reason God allowed her to go through all she did, now we know.  She is working so hard to save this girl.  She can answer questions those of us who have never had the disease can't.  She's giving of herself to help.  This sweet girl has a small group of people around her who support her and want her to seek the treatment, professional treatment, to get well.  I am praying.  All I can do is desperately cry out to God, "Please, LORD, save this girl!"  Please pray for her.  God knows her name.  He sees her struggles.  He knows her pain.  He knows where she needs to be to get the help she needs. She is one of His.  Her life is important.

There are so many around you who may be struggling but have no voice.  Give them a voice.  Be an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a sounding board for their frustrations.  If you choose not to talk about a situation, regardless of what it is, you are telling the person who is in so much emotional pain that you don't care. Their life isn't worth your time.  Is that who you really are?  Is that how you want to be perceived?  I don't.  I care.  Please pray for her....and for others who need prayers.

Lord, help me not be angry with these people, and Lord, please help them understand.  We all need Your wisdom.

Silence. . .

. . . while it may appear I've neglected my blog (okay, so I have neglected my blog) that doesn't mean I haven't been writing.  In fact, I've been writing furiously over the last three + weeks, however, most of it will never be published on my little slice of the information superhighway because it has been tough.  I've had three physically and emotionally challenging weeks.

I have searched my Bible for answers for why we have to go through hardships.  I know why, He is preparing us to be used for His glory.  More on that later, though.  I'm still writing that one and will post it as soon as I finish it.

I've also been trying to revamp the look of this blog.  I will be making a few changes over the next week or so (if I have time) to help improve the looks, and hopefully, add a subscribe button so you can be updated as soon as I add a new post.  I don't want my readers (all 4 of your) to miss anything! :)

I'm also doing Ann Voskamp's  Joy Dare Challenge and searching for 3 things to be thankful for.  You can find out more about that here.  I highly recommend it.  I am making a conscious effort to be happy. There are days when I struggle and days when I just want to give up and wallow in self-pity, but I don't like to do that.  I would much rather be happy.

.... and speaking of happy, there's a 16 year-old boy who lives in this house (he calls me mom and can't clean up his room for anything!) who is on happy cloud nine right now.  Why?  I can give you one reason, a 1996 red short-wheelbased Chevy 4x4.

Seeing his joy has put a smile on my face all weekend...not to mention I get chauffeured around (he won't let me drive it!)  

That's all for tonight, but check back in a few days, maybe I'll have this blog spiffed up and have something worth reading. 

Learning to forgive...

I wish I could take the credit for this photo, but I can't, I found it through Google images.

The last few days there has been something really in the forefront of my mind, forgiveness.  I did some searching through a scripture reference book I have and found many scriptures that talk about forgiveness, but one really, really stood out …maybe “stepped on my toes” would be a more appropriate term.

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.  But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”  Mark 11: 25-26

And this one….

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”  Matthew 6:14-15

I don’t know about you, but I want forgiveness from God.  I mess up on a daily basis and do not want to be separated from His love.  The thing about God’s forgiveness, it’s instant.  As soon as we ask it’s done.  He forgets our past sins and forgives us even though we don’t deserve it.  We deserve the worst possible punishment.

It makes me very remorseful and guilty, when I think of all the times I’ve stood in church an prayed, but had things in my heart that were separating me from God.  I  don’t think God wants us to feel guilt., I think He wants us to give up the bitterness and anger and be free from all the junk that fills our lives and drags us down and away from Him. 

It’s something I struggle with, but after some very sincere and tearful moments in prayer last night, I was finally able to forgive.  Today I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.  I’ve forgiven people who don’t even know I was angry and hurt with them, but now that relationship doesn’t have to be damaged because of my negativity.   The relationships may not be the same, but I know that I will do whatever God wants me to do to restore them.   I can honestly say that I have released some of the anger toward someone I have been holding on to for a while (aka a couple of years).  My anger wasn’t hurting that person, but it sure was hurting me.  It was keeping me from having an honest relationship with God.  When I pray, I can pray without anger, and hurt, and bitterness, and all the worldly junk that clogs up our lives.

Anger, hatred, and bitterness remind me of an oil spill.  It’s dark, stinky sludge that suffocates us, choking off life a little at a time, but Jesus IS the Living Water that cuts through the mess, removes the sticky, stinky sludge, and washes us clean so we can breathe and laugh again.  When we let the anger, bitterness, and hate fill our lives it robs us of our joy, and joy and true happiness can only be permanent through Christ and through the grace, mercy and peace that He freely gives to those who want a clean heart.

I want a clean heart, what about you?  Is there someone you need to forgive in order to have a relationship with God?  I do, and I’m working on making it right.

Living by Paul's example....

The last couple of days I have run the full gamut of emotions.  I've been happy, sad, hurt, angry, and in pain.  I reached the point of exhausted insomnia and decided to pick up my little box of Resolutions cards again.

I have let them sit on the nightstand, untouched for several days.  I would like to think it was because I was just too busy with the surgery and pre-op doctors appointments, etc, but that wasn't it.  The truth was, they just got too hard.  It hurt to read them.  It hurt to admit my shortcomings and my own failures at living a life focused on God.  I want to live an authentic life, and I had to face my own faults....and there are many.

Last night, however, after writing in no less than 3 written journals (I may have a novel completed before I get off the housebound, post-surgery thing), and working a little in my art/art therapy journal I was still not sleepy.  I picked up the little box of Resolutions for Women cards and steeled myself for what God had ready for me tonight.  God knows exactly where we are at any given moment, and tonight's card said this: "I will courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory."  The scripture reference:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13.  Wow!  Exactly what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it.

Today I am really struggling with discouragement and doubt.  I've been letting things of the world, that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, change my focus.  I have allowed myself to be hurt by the actions of others (or lack thereof) when I know I should not worry about things like that.  I have allowed those things to steal my joy.

As I continued to read through the book of Philippians (I highly recommend it), I realized it is one of the most encouraging books of the entire Bible.  To read it you would think the author was experiencing a season of peace and great joy with no worries or problems, but the truth doesn't even come close.  The apostle Paul wrote the book of Philippians which was a letter of encouragement to the church at Philippi.  He was not in a season of great joy, he was in the confines of a Roman PRISON.  He was facing death.  During a time that most would view as dark and hopeless, Paul was still filled with JOY.  He encouraged the church (which includes today's believers) to focus on the good things, the things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8).  Focus on the good things and don't let the junk drag you down.

We call it optimism.  It's a good thing.  It keeps us going through the valleys.  It's the hope and peace that only come from the One True God.  We aren't to shirk our earthly obligations, but we shouldn't let them consume us to the point where we have no joy, or hope...or peace.

Paul kept his joy and hope in a hopeless situation because his life was focused on the right goal, to do all things to the glory of God.  Paul knew God was in control and no matter what happened, he would be okay.  We are not promised another day, we aren't even promised another hour or second, but I am secure in the knowledge that God is on His throne and, as a believer, I will be okay, and that I will have a place with Him in glory.

So today, I choose joy.  It has been a tough journey to get to the point when I can cast my cares on Him and try really hard not to pick them back up.  I'm not saying I won't, but I am really trying.  I am blessed.  My life is easy compared to the "affliction" that caused Paul constant pain.  While I am healing from surgery (I can almost relate to the woman who had an issue of blood and her healing came from touching them hem of Jesus's tunic), I will be healed and whole again.  I want to display the outward peace and joy that only comes from a personal relationship with Christ.  I'm excited.

Please join me and pray for all those who have given up hope.  Pray that they will turn back to the God who heals all wounds.  Pray for them to find rekindled hope, and joy, and especially peace that comes only from God.

Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly....

Casting Crown has a song "Courageous" with a line from Micah "Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God".  I wish it were that easy.

Scripture reference:  "He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Act justly:  What does is mean to act justly?  Maybe it means to listen...no to hear what God is trying to tell us and not jump to conclusions?  The Merriam-Webster dictionary lists the definition of justly (just) as: having a basis in or conforming to fact or reason: reasonable.

Reasonable?  Using reason to communicate your ideas rather than allowing emotion to rule.  I will admit that lately I have allowed emotion to rule rather than reason and it's brought me nothing but heartache.  Why?  Because I don't have the right answers.  My emotions stem from the sin nature of humankind.  I'm hurt; I want to lash out; I want someone to feel as wounded and vulnerable as me.  That's not God's idea.  I believe God wants us to allow Him to take control of any situation and allow Him to work.  He knows best.  He placed the stars and formed mountains.  He created oceans and every living thing, so why is it so hard to give all our problems over to Him?  Someone, please tell me! I really want to know why I give Him a portion of the problem then take it back because I think I can handle the situation so much better.  I'm an idiot, that's why!

Love Mercy:  Mercy....compassion....forbearance.   Showing compassion when others don't deserve it was one of the greatest gifts of Jesus.  I want to be compassionate.  I want to understand and give comfort....then the sin nature steps in and while I still want to be compassionate I also want them to know how much they are hurting me.  Wrong answer.  That just blows compassion out of the water.  I pray that the LORD will help me conquer the side of me that always wants to be right and replace it with compassion for others.

Walk humbly:  This is a really tough one for me.  It's so hard for me to allow myself to be vulnerable.  It's so hard to accept humbleness and humility because so many see it as a sign of weakness, but it is actually the greatest outward showing of strength.  Jesus walked humbly on the earth.  He could have made himself a vast kingdom.  He could have done any number of things yet He chose to live a humble, gentle life.  When satan tempted Him He demonstrated strength and became an example of faith because he refused to cave to temptation.  I don't know if I could have done that.  My prideful self would have wanted to say, "Okay, satan old boy, watch this!"  then perform some astounding feat (like flying off the top of the temple and dive bombing satan) just to shut him up!   That's why I'm not Jesus....not even remotely close, but it is my desire to become more Christlike.  It's what I struggle with daily and often fail miserably.

I have failed miserably in the last week.  I do not take criticism well, especially when it is seasoned with anger.  I have a temper; I'm not proud of that, but that's me.  I'm working on controlling it, but like so many other things, I often fail miserably there, too.  To make peace with God and to allow Him to work in my life, I have to listen....to hear....what He is telling me.  I have to learn to keep my mouth shut, and anyone who knows me knows that's something that is very hard for me to do.

I need to remember the old proverb "Lord, fill my mind with righteous stuff and shut my mouth when I've said enough."