Never have I been more determined to write something worth reading, something inspired, something….profound.(?) I have draft after draft of what began as a good idea (at least in my head), but fell flat when it landed on paper. I hate that!
Instead of locking myself in a room with my thoughts, I just placated myself with mindless television…and when I say mindless, I mean MINDLESS! Seriously, I'm losing faith quickly in the Discovery Channel! "Clash of the Ozarks"? Really? If you haven't seen this show (which aired for the first time last night) don't watch it. I think my IQ dropped during the course of the show. Why did I watch it? There's a very good reason, it was filmed 40 miles from me in Hardy, AR. Chris (the hubby) grew up very near there (and his parents still live about 10 miles away from there), but never heard of the big feud between the two families. I have yet to find anyone who has. What saddens me most is the fact that Discovery had to search long and hard to find the most toothless people available! I'm a native Arkansas, I don't drink moonshine, I have a penchant for shoes, and I still have all my teeth! How about a show that really digs into the seedy side of Hardy, AR….you know, the place filled with antique shops and retirees! (although there is a tattoo parlor and a store named "Goths R Us"…though I haven't browsed their merchandise.)
I guess it's all about the image you project. People really do believe what they see. Your words can say one thing, but you actions and image speak volumes. Today has been a very classic example of just that. Today someone told me, "I'm a good person, I really care about people" then turned right around and told the sweet little girlfriend she's stupid (repeatedly) and to just shut up. Good person? I hope that isn't the true definition of a good person because I would really hate to see the bad one!
As you can imagine, a long tirade from me about showing respect ensued. I don't think it sank in because the response directed toward me was disrespectful (from a high school kid), too. This may have been the point when I may or may not have said he should be thankful he wasn't dating my daughter. Of course, my daughter would have knocked him out in floor long before I had to step in. Less than an hour later another student was speaking to his mother on his cell phone (in class, no less, no respect for classroom rules), using language directed toward her that infuriated me even more. I don't care how smart you think you are, or just how mature you think you are, you have no right to call your mother a name! (especially one that could mean the animal Jesus rode into Jerusalem on was not very smart.) Given the course of the days events I may or may not have told him it was a good thing I was not his mamma. (just think of Bill Cosby's statement "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!") And it was only a few minutes later when I told yet another student to do something and his reply was, "No. You didn't say please." I gave him "the look" and melted him on the spot.
I guess today was just one of those days when I'd just had it. All those thoughts that you don't have time to worry about crowded in. I'm tired. I don't sleep well, but nights like this it's much worse. Why can't I just turn off the brain for a little while. I don't want to think. I don't want to worry. I don't want to be disappointed. I just want peace….and quiet….and sleep.