Friday, November 19, 2010

....I will trust in Thee.

This has been another trying week. So many things have happened that I just don't feel prepared or ready for, but I can't forget to rely on the One who holds the future and knows what is the best. (I need one of those rubber bracelets that say F.R.O.G - Fully Rely On God) With that said, I seriously think the ADD is working overtime tonight because I can't focus on anything! I will be surprised if this post makes any sense at all, so overlook the errors, and follow the bouncing ball....or thoughts, in my case.
My week began suddenly at 6:30 am. My grandmother called and said she was in pain and needed me, so I threw on some clothes, jumped in the Yukon, and lit out for Flippin (yes, that is a town in Arkansas). I took her to the ER, but when asked if she was still in pain or had been in pain she politely told the nurse, "Oh, no, Honey, I'm not in pain." As the day progressed, she told several other stories that just left me shaking my head, but also with the realization that I will have some very difficult decisions to make, and it looks like those will be sooner rather than later. It breaks my heart to see those I love dealing with problems such as this. I wish there was something I could do to make it better, but I can't. Living an hour away doesn't appease the guilt any, either. I can't check on her as often as I'd like, but I do try to call her every morning. If you read my blog (one of the 5 or 6 who do?), live anywhere near Flippin, and know of a senior care service, please let me know. I wish I could find someone to drop in on her for a couple of hours a day just to visit and make sure she is okay. As for her health, it's remarkably well for an 89 year old woman. She takes no daily meds, which is amazing. Oh, and our little trip to the ER, I think it was more of a panic attack than anything else, but things were straightened out and she was home by mid afternoon.  Just pray for us.

We were out of school on Monday (huge blessing), and I got to have lunch with one of my very best friends, ever. Shirley and I have been BFF's since the 6th grade, and it was so great to see her. So here's the scoop, if you are looking for a great Italian place there's a new one in Mtn. Home; 870 Bistro. Homemade pastas, wonderful crusty breads, and deliciousness everywhere! I don't know the chef, but I could eat that pasta every day. YUM!
Tuesday & Wednesday were just normal school days....if any school day is normal, but Thursday, oh honey hush! Can you say FUN! I took a small group of girls to Memphis to tour the Memphis College of Art. Yes, I had heart palpitations when I walked in and saw the abundance of studio space, art supplies, and depth of creativity. I wanted to hide somewhere, and when everyone left for the night, sneak out and make ART all night long. My mansion in Heaven is going to look like a giant Art supply store with glorious natural light, and an abundance of studio space....oh, and canvases that are already stretched for me so I don't have to do that part...I don't really like that part.

We ate lunch at the Hardrock Cafe (I had 5 teenaged girls, there was no other option), and took a few pictures while in there. Carl Perkins's guitar is hanging on one of those walls, and it's BLUE, how appropriate since he did write Blue Suede Shoes. Because it was in Memphis, there was an abundance of Elvis memorabilia, too. Elvis, you could sing, but your taste in clothing left much to be desired; you erred on the side of gaudy, and I like bling, so you know it must have been a little over-the-top. Maybe it was all the gold and I'm more of a silver girl.

Elvis's belt.  He must have been really strong to carry that much gold around his waist...kind of reminds me of a boxing title belt.  World heavy weight champion?  It was all those peanut butter & banana sandwiches.

MCA's school van.  I wonder if Mr. May would let me paint one of our school buses with a really cool design like this?  The trash cans were even painted...LOOOOOVE IT!  (Imagine the voice of Weezy from PBSkids Dragon Tales)

Steph is just one of those people who see humor in everything.  I saw the words Shuttle Pick Up, she saw SHUTtle pickUP.  We had fun, I laughed so hard a few times I thought I was going to have to stop and buy some Depends!
Tomorrow is a day of Christmas shopping, so I should take my ADD riddled brain to bed.  Nitey Nite.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

When doubt creeps in....

This week has been a big one for soul searching for me. Last night, during our Bible study at church, as I was thumbing through….okay, frantically trying to remember the little “New Testament” song so I could find 1 Timothy without looking like I had never opened a Bible… and I ran across a devotional in my Women of Faith study Bible entitled “Struggling With Doubt”. Ouch! It’s amazing how God just knows what we need to read exactly when we need to read it, but being the sinful human I am, I didn’t read it until tonight. Maybe that’s why I was on such a rant last night? God wants me to take a good, hard look at what’s going on inside my heart and my head, but I don’t want to. There I said it. I’m being stubborn. I don’t want to dig into my feelings. I’d rather surf Facebook and not have to think, but God has a way of not giving you a moment’s peace until you do what He wants you to do. So here I am, Bible next to me, opened to that stinkin’ page about struggling with doubt. All I can say is I need a revelation. I’ve read the scriptures, I know God is bigger than all things and will take care of all our needs if we lean solely on Him, so why do I still feel so ….. doubtful?

Self-doubt is defined as “a lack of faith or confidence in oneself.” Yep, nailed it. Today that is me. I’ve doubted my ability to do anything, and I do mean anything! I made spaghetti for supper and heard myself saying, “This probably isn’t fit to eat, but here it is.” SPAGHETTI! Not gourmet spaghetti….well, maybe, that’s what the label said on the can of spaghetti sauce…. just an easy meal that you can’t mess up, but I figured I did one way or another. What is wrong with me?! I don’t like being in a funk like this. I’m usually trying to make people laugh or trying to cheer them up, THIS IS NOT ME! I think I have randomly burst out in tears on 3 different occasions since I got home at 4 pm. Well, maybe I should offer a disclaimer here, I cry easily, and I cry at the dumbest things. I’ve seen commercials that left me in tears. I subscribe to the Truvvy (Steel Magnolias) theory “no one cries alone in my presence”, but tonight I just feel like an idiot!

Doubt….such a strange word that has such an effect. Right now I doubt my ability to do anything. I have lost my creative mojo (yes, I can keep up with some people, but I’m an ART teacher, I’m supposed to be super creative!) I don’t even know if I could sing a note tonight if I wanted to…not that it’s that great, but it is something I love, but right now, the desire is just gone. (Please come back) Maybe it’s stress, next week will be a stressful week with the state compliance evaluations that will take place at school on the 11th. (Prayers much appreciated on that one) Maybe it’s the lack of sleep…the insomnia is back….stupid insomnia; or maybe it’s the fashion industry. (I can blame them for all the world’s problems if I want to, it’s my blog, deal with it)

So tonight, as I desperately try to find chocolate (candy’s all gone, I’m in trouble), and deal with my self-doubt, I’m going to cling to some scripture….

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.” Jeremiah 29:11

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine; according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20

“The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” Luke 17:5

See, even the apostles doubted; I’m in good company. Their faith was made steadfast, and God will erase my doubt and bring back the sunshine. I know He will see me through and He will never give up on me….What an awesome God we serve.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Who's to blame?

Sometimes I just have to get off on a tangent, and today is one of those days.

Today's society has gotten so messed up it just makes me wonder what is coming next. No wonder so many women (and a few men) suffer from such a low self image. Take fashion for instance. How did we get to this place where the more skin you show the more stylish you are? It's NUTS!

Let's just take a minute to contemplate....

In the Renaissance era, women's clothing usually had an empire waist, loose fitting skirts, and many layers. A little more flesh was a sign of plenty and abundance - wealth. To a Renaissance man a woman with a full bottoms and smaller bosom was the "perfect 10".

The Victorians changed things a little, an hourglass was the desired shape, but hips were still fashionable (can you say HOOPSKIRTS and BUSTLES), even if you didn't possess hips and well-rounded behind naturally, you could add another hoop or some padding... and waistlines, well, corsets made them tiny, not starvation!

How about the 1950's? Marilyn Monroe was one hot mama, and she wore a size 16....YES, I SAID A S-I-X-T-E-E-N! (I was born in wrong era; I would have been a skinny 14!)

Then along came the Sixties....and miniskirts....which meant skinny legs were now stylish. (Thanks a lot, Twiggy!)

When did it become fashionable to eat only a cube of cheese or do the old “scarf and barf” thing?


I guess this rant came from a show I saw on E! over the weekend. I don’t even remember the name or why I didn’t change the channel, but as I watched, I couldn’t help but be saddened by what I saw. So many people have become addicted to plastic surgery and the desire to reach an unattainable goal of perfection. In Renaissance days the trend was full on bottom, smaller on top; today we desire just the opposite, full on top, small on the bottom. Did someone turn one of Jacques Ingres paintings upside down and get confused? Why do we have to strive to wear a size 2 pants and a 32DD in a bra?

Who do we blame? I think I’ll choose the fashion industry. Why? Because I can. I’m really tired of picking up an XL shirt only to find skinny arms. Hello! Did any of you designers take anatomy? Use some common sense; if you wear and XL 99% of the time you WILL NOT have skinny arms!

I have many more profound thoughts, but my fingers are tired and my brain hurts. Tune in again soon because this is my soapbox, and I’m not climbing down just yet!