Monday, March 28, 2011

Gut wrenching fear...

I’ll admit, I don’t often feel the fear that makes my knees weak and causes a pit in the middle of my stomach…maybe I’m just don't have enough sense to realize when I need to be afraid…but yesterday was a little different story. 
The one thing that causes my palms to sweat and the butterflies (wait, make those buzzards)leap around in my stomach is the thought of having to play the piano in front of people who are actually listening.   (Maybe if they would yell, “Moooooooommmmm, I can’t hear the TV!” my nerves would settle a little.)  During choir practice yesterday someone asked if I would play through a song (she knew I’d brought the book home just so I could figure out the alto notes...which took all weekend because I had to keep saying the little EGBDFA rhyme for every note) so they could get the timing down for the drama. 
 Gasp!    I stumbled through it and it was okay (and that's being very generous), but I could barely hear the piano because of the volume of my heart pounding in my ears!  Little did I know the church pianist was listening.  After practice, she told me I needed to think about adding my name to the list of backup pianists (I think she needs hearing aids).  Just the thought of that causes me to break out in a cold sweat and experience shortness of breath!   I know God equips those He calls, but somehow I don’t think He wants us to sing the same songs week after week.  
Number one, I do NOT read music very well, I play by ear…and I can only play in 3 keys and 2 of those not very well.  I really don’t want to be the church known for singing “At Calvary” and “There is a Fountain” week after week.  
Second, while I am an outgoing person, and I can do alright playing the piano in my basement, I get major stage fright on a piano bench!  Give me a mic and some music and I’ll sing all day, but PLEASE don’t ask me to play! 
Third,  in a church the size of ours there HAS to be someone who can play, really play, and do a much, much better job than me….so please remember that God is leading you to use your talent and help bring praise and worship music…..and get me off the hook! (I'm praying that He will convict you for keeping your talent to yourself.)


April said...

Girl I definitely know that feeling!! I get SUPER nervous talking or singing in front of much so that it becomes hard to breathe. I have to say though...sometimes you have to try to get past it and share your gift. It sounds like that might be where you're headed and I say go for it! ;)
- April

Vivienne @ the V Spot said...

Yes, if He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. Better practice your scales. :)